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Shopping with Husband is like Getting Groceries with a Martian

February 8, 2010

My husband, visitor to earth, shocked and awed by grocery shopping experience.


I’ve been married for almost fifteen years now. And for the past, oh, I’d say, thirteen, I’ve done the grocery shopping pretty much by myself. Now, of course, he’d go and get a few things from the store here and there, but for the most part, that’s been my job.
When we first got together. It was a different story altogether. We’d go get a really nice lunch and then drive an hour(we live in a really small place, shopping opportunities are kind of limited) to the nearest Fresh Market and spend the afternoon at the grocery store. We’d pour over the good cheeses, load our buggie full of beautiful produce, our excitement gained momentum on each aisle. It was great! I thought we’d always grocery shop together. We loved it!
Then, our first child was born. In the beginning, the trips were still fun. Then, our darling first-born started standing up in the cart, throwing things out, biting and generally squishing things. And things got less fun. 

Then, we were blessed with another little one. Grocery shopping got way less fun. Kid number one started to ask for everything in the store, and number two has taken his place with the throwing stuff out, chewing on the cart and trying to stand up. The family trips started to become less frequent. 

 Enter baby number three.  And to heck with it! By this point, there was no room in the cart for food.  The first-born had turned into a beggar. Our middle son, was now two.  Enough said. 

 Soooo, the brakes have been thrown on the grocery shopping trips and good riddance.

Not really, though, I miss the fun we always had shopping together.
Rarely, we’ll grab a few things from a store together, but not a full on shopping trip. So, tonight, we took the kids to his mom’s house and went shopping.

Let me just say… 

 Wow! What the heck happened during the course of our 15 year marriage? This was not like the shopping trips I remember. It was unlike any shopping trip I can remember, EVER.
The closest thing I can compare it to is taking an alien(think green skin, large head, antennas) to the grocery store.
As I proceeded to restock our pantry, my favorite martian, wandered around the store as if he’d never seen such a thing. 

 He questioned the price of everything. EVERYTHING. He was shocked that toothpaste could cost more than $3.00. 

 He couldn’t believe the price of frozen pizza. 

The toilet paper aisle had him debating whether earthlings were too concerned with their hygiene. 

The produce aisle had me begging for him to be beamed up by the mother ship. 

 He actually turned green the most unearthly shade of green as we looked over the cheeses. 

On more than one occasion, he exclaimed, “How do people afford to eat?” 

Cries of, “Is this just a really expensive grocery store.(It’s Harris Teeter, Dear Martian) and “I can’t believe people pay that for _____________(Insert anything that could be on any aisle).”
By the end of it, we had a car loaded down with groceries, a bewildered alien and a frustrated earthling tour guide.
Have prices really increased that much in the last 13 years? Is it just the amount I have to purchase for a family of 5? Is he that out of touch? Am I missing something?
Other than restocking the groceries, not much was accomplished on this little shopping trip. It was not what I hoped. We hadn’t turned a chore into something fun and romantic. Nope. 

But, this earthling wife has figured out one thing about her alien husband. He has no place in the Harris Teeter. But, I’d be willing to try it again. 

In thirteen years.


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