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Twenty Random Lessons I’ve Learned from Motherhood

March 27, 2010

Things I’ve learned from being a mom

1. Adults don’t move their bodies and make weird noises the way kids do.  People would think they were strange.  But, if you get the urge, stretching and yawning work.  You get to make weird noises, make weird faces and move in weird ways without people looking at you funny.  And it feels good.  Try it next time you’re in public!

2.  If you are changing a poopy diaper on a squirmy baby, take their socks off first. 

3.  When you walk at night, and the lights are off, drag your feet.  Trust me on this one.  An action figure can cripple you if you’re stomping around in the dark like the Jolly Green Giant.

4.  Kids can be bribed into playing with your hair.

5.  Naps are underrated.  Enjoy them before you have kids, they aren’t coming back any time soon.

6.  Flexible parents make flexible kids.  If you are rigid and hung up on your demands, they’re going to be too.  You’ve only got yourself to blame. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

7. If you make it where you’re going with the whole load of kids in tow and everyone has on two shoes, it really doesn’t matter if they match.  And in summer, if shoes are optional, everyone will be happier.

8.  Sometimes, Adult ADD goes undiagnosed until you have others depending on you. 

9.  Kids will eat really good food, if they are fed really good food. 

10.  There isn’t just one right way. 

11.  Have a sense of humor when things don’t go well.  One day, they are going to remember their childhoods.  Do you want to be remembered as the crazy lady who’s freaking out about the muddy floor? Yeah, me neither.

12.  There may only be 24 hours in a day, but some of them go by like dog years.

13.  Time flies when you’re having fun.   They don’t stay little long.  All the clichés are right.

14.  There is nothing sweeter than snuggling with a baby first thing in the morning.

15.  On the rare night that you stay up late and have to get up early, someone is wetting their bed, or throwing up.  There will be a catastrophe to contend with.  Mark my words.

16. Kids aren’t rational.  Neither are mom’s who’ve had their sleep interrupted.  See #15.

17. You will want to actually beat up people who are mean to your kids.  Seriously.

18.  It’s way worse to see your child have their feelings hurt than it ever is to have your own hurt. 

19.  Take days off.  Wednesdays are good.

20. When kids don’t need a bath at the end of the day, they probably haven’t had a very good day. The exception to this is when they are “chlorine clean.”  By all means, take them swimming and skip the bath.

What have you learned from parenthood? 

Hoping the lessons they teach me today are painless!

4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 27, 2010 12:22 pm

    These are great. I mean great.

    I had to get stitches in my foot one time from a decapitate Barbie that I didn’t see in the middle of the night. I wish it weren’t true.

    When my oldest daughter was an infant, she had terrible colic, screaming throughout the day. I rarely went anywhere. One Saturday, my husband and I were out running errands and in a big store. She started to scream and I told my husband we had to leave. He said, “No, we need to stay. She and all the other kids to come, need to learn they will adapt to our schedule, not the other way around. We’re the ones in charge.” He doesn’t come up with kid wisdom very much, but this was my instant mantra. Our girls are so flexible and from day one, they learned how to behave in public and adapt to any situation. No words are truer.

    And same thing about the food. My husband’s mother is a gourmet cook and her skills and the way they ate were passed on to my husband who does the cooking around here. Yesterday, my daughter took her dad’s mushroom risotto with truffle oil to school in her thermos for lunch. I can guarantee she was the only 6th grader eating that sort of stuff. Our motto is always, “You get what you get.” Meaning you eat what’s put in front of you and there will be no substitutions.

    And that time? Trust me when I say it whooshes by like a Cat 5 hurricane.

    To this day, I want to stomp on over and beat the crap out of any child who is cruel to mine. My girls have been taught kindness to others, since the day they were born and so it makes it doubly enraging when I know how badly mean, punk-ass kids hurt my girls and their feelings.

    And honey, in Florida, the best baths are the ones from the pool.

    • March 28, 2010 5:02 pm

      I want your daughter’s leftovers! My mom was a home ec. teacher and she made the most wonderful food. I love to cook and stay in the kitchen. My kids eat everything. I have to keep an eye on my youngest or he will sneak into the fridge and eat the good goat cheese. They want pinenuts on everything. And I’m glad. They’ll try anything.
      I’ve never given them a choice. What’s for supper is what we’re eating. There’s not going to be chicken nuggets later. Not saying they never get junk, they do, but they’d rather have good stuff.
      We made the mistake of letting our oldest order off of the adult menu when we’d go out. He always wanted some kind of really good fish. By the time we were taking out a family of five, I was telling the other two that they would have to eat the corn dog or chicken nuggets, because it was so expensive. They hated it, because they were used to getting better at home.

      We spend our summers at the beach and my oldest swears he didn’t take but one bath last summer. lol There may be a little truth to that! 😉

  2. March 28, 2010 12:39 am

    This is quite possibly one of the best lists of these things I have read.

    Now, can I tell you something? Recently when Andy and I were going into Addyson’s room to tuck her in, I planted an action figure at the foot of her bed…right where Andy usually stands to say good night. Sure enough, he stepped on it and howled. Addyson and I got a great pre good night laugh! Yes, I am mean like that 😉

    • March 28, 2010 5:02 pm

      That is so wrong! Because it hurts like a mother! I’m sure it was entertaining though!

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