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What the…? Bible Study Edition

August 1, 2010

“What the…?” was the question I asked about 11 years ago during the prayer part of a Bible Study my husband and I were attending.

We were doing a Bible study in the home of some people from our church.  Wayne and I were in our late twenties, and were with a group of much older people, all ladies, except for our minister.

Wayne very much enjoys older ladies, so this was right up his alley.  No dragging him. 

These meetings always ended with us holding hands and praying. 

The two of us were sitting on the floor for some reason.  I think to make it easier for a couple of the older people to reach out and hold hands, maybe? (It’s been 11 years, and the event I’m about to describe will make my forgetfulness on this subject abundantly clear!)

Earlier that day, I’d felt the baby move on the outside for the first time.  What I mean is, I  could actually feel it with my hand, not just from within.  Wayne and I were both excited about him having a chance to feel it. 

As we were praying, heads bowed, eyes shut, I notice Wayne feeling me up. 

My eyes popped open. 

We’re Methodist, but I don’t care if you’re worshiping stray cats, I don’t think that boob grabbing during a prayer in a room full of senior citizens is acceptable. 

I push his hand away.  And two seconds later, he’s feeling me up again.  His eyes are closed and his expression blank. 

I shove his hand away again and again.  And again and again, it finds its way to my boob. 

My eyes scan the crowd and hoping that no one else is peaking! (Or at least there’s enough cataracts and bifocals to make them doubt what they’re seeing if they are peaking) 

I’m pretty sure at this point that he’s taken leave of his senses and we need to pray for a swift return of his sanity.  But, I don’t want the ladies to know that my husband is a nutty perv, so I just keep shoving his hand away. 

After the “amens” were said, everyone started getting snacks and chatting. 

I couldn’t wait to see what the heck had gotten into my husband.

I’m pretty sure I used a “tone.” 

” Why on earth were you grabbing my boob during the prayer? What is the matter with you?” I hissed, trying not to move my lips in case there were lip readers in the crowd.

He looked at me as if he had amnesia. 

“I was not grabbing your boob.  Why would I do that here?” 

“Exactly! Why did you do that here?”

Then it dawned on him.  And he started laughing. 

I was sitting at a weird angle and he thought he was putting his hand on my stomach.  He wanted to feel the baby move.  He couldn’t figure out why I kept pushing his hand away. 

He had his eyes closed, and I am pretty chesty, so I guess I see how it could happen. Maybe?

Then I got really tickled.  Before long, because we have no pride, we let the whole group in on the joke.  We all had a pretty good laugh that night.

Our minister once described us as a “real life cartoon.”  Probably due to stories like this one and my husband’s burnt “turtle” story.  We’ve earned the description, that’s for sure!  

But, seriously, if you ever get felt up during a prayer, “What the….?”  is the question you ask.  Trust me, I speak from experience.   

Check out Sonora and Stacey and add your “What the…?” incidents to their fun blog hop!

Stacey's Mothering Moments - What the...? Week

Have a good day! And keep your hands to yourselves!

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21 Comments leave one →
  1. August 1, 2010 11:29 pm

    That story is hilarious and I just love that you shared it with everyone there. I totally would have too. It’s just a good thing it was your breast he was reaching for and not one of the other ladies!

    • August 1, 2010 11:34 pm

      Had it been one of the other ladies, I think we wouldn’t have been welcomed at Bible Study, ever again. Some lines, you just don’t cross.

  2. August 2, 2010 12:04 am

    …nutty perv…I love that! I’m going to go find my husband and call him that right now! This was too funny. My husband is named Wayne as well, and like yours, he has a thing for the older, bifocal, gray-haired gals…I guess that’s a good thing for us, in say, 30-40 years right?

  3. August 2, 2010 1:32 am

    Hahahahaha! Poor guy! He just wanted to feel some baby; not some booby! 😉

  4. August 2, 2010 1:36 am

    OMG. I LOL’ed and fell out of my office chair. What a delightful and funny story! This is wonderful. You are now officially linked and loved.

  5. August 2, 2010 2:55 am

    I read this and laughed and laughed, because I have a similar experience. We were also doing some Bible reading, with his mom and dad there, and he started rubbing my boob. We weren’t even married yet, so you can imagine. I shoved his hand off so fast I’m surprised it didn’t break off. Turns out his intentions were to rub my shoulder. We still joke about my “soft shoulder” to this day! The way you tell this story, though? Hilarious! I almost peed in my pants. Also glad we’re not the only ones who have stuff like that happen.

  6. August 2, 2010 6:14 am

    I love this story, and that you were able to laugh about it with the other people in the group makes it even better. That seriously could be from a Sunday cartoon!

  7. August 2, 2010 7:21 am

    Hilarious! Loved it! Have a great week

    Andrea

  8. August 2, 2010 7:31 am

    That is a great story. Especially that you told the whole group about it. Also I’m not sure I am buying that Wayne didn’t know what he was feeling up. Belly with baby kicking and breast- don’t feel so much the same. Maybe once I’b buy it, but repeated feels ups?

  9. August 2, 2010 9:17 am

    That is hilarious!! You make me laugh! Hopefully your husband learned the difference between baby belly and boob after that! LOL

  10. August 2, 2010 10:59 am

    Hysterical! I couldn’t help but laugh out loud reading this.

  11. August 2, 2010 11:19 am

    I was laughing so hard when I read this last night, and didn’t have time to comment! I love that you eventually shared the story with the others, too.

    I could see how, being chesty, your hubby might confuse one of the girls for your pregnant tummy. Mine, however, would be more likely to confuse my girls with my elbow.

  12. August 2, 2010 11:39 am

    I want to be in your life in REAL life.

  13. August 2, 2010 1:44 pm

    this is awesome! does he know you shared it on your blog? i have no boobs, so there would be no mistaking a pregnant belly for my boob.

  14. August 2, 2010 2:17 pm

    That’s so great that you laughed about it as a group! Really livening up the bible study!

  15. August 3, 2010 12:28 am

    I’m with Liz. I’m the no boob wonder. But if I did have any, my husband would have for sure been feeling me up on purpose. 🙂

  16. August 3, 2010 12:35 am

    That’s too funny, and exactly something my husband would’ve done…”accidentally” on purpose! Does he know you put it on your blog?

    • August 3, 2010 7:47 am

      He does not. But, since I have no pride, he wouldn’t be surprised!

  17. August 3, 2010 8:11 am

    Laughing…… oh . my. goodness…..

    That is totally something my husband would do.

  18. August 3, 2010 8:13 am

    ohmyga! That made me laugh out loud. I don’t know which is worse: what he did or how quick you were to think that he was a perv! (funny how it never entered your mind that it was a mistake..)
    bwaaahahahahahhaha!

  19. August 3, 2010 11:18 am

    No better place for groping than a Bible Study, I always say! Wait…not really…

    I think this is one of the funnier stories I’ve heard in a long long time. Thanks for the laugh, ma’am!

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