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Fighting Unfair Labels

August 14, 2010

The fabulous, healthy and anal Kristin from Peace, Love and Muesli and I had a talk the other day.  She needs “kooky” lessons and I’m just the girl. I’m largely kooky most of the time.   

She doesn’t lose anything.   She’s not ready to lose her telephone, car keys, driver’s license and insurance information all at once.  (Leave that to the professionals) She wants to start small, with socks and marbles.  But, if she sticks with me, I’ll have her losing tax returns and car registrations before she knows it!  

I’m pretty sure I could be mayor of Kook-ville.  

You see, Sam will be starting Kindergarten on Monday.  And I still don’t have his “stuff.”   

You know, the stuff that it takes to register your kid.  The utility bills that prove your address, the birth certificate, the social security card, even the immunization records.  I have none of it.  Nada.  And before I can get it, I’ve got to go to the DMV because I have no idea where my driver’s license is.  

When we moved in, Wayne found five of them all tucked in different places.  I lose them quite often, and have to get another.  This is the first time they all were in the same place at the same time.  They swiftly parted ways, never to be seen again.   

If my life depended on it, I couldn’t find a single one of them now.  ( Ignore my weird ponytail hair in the picture please.)   

So, back to my story.  (See, I’m ADD and I tend to ramble and get distracted easily.)  

Anyway, I commented to Kristin that I’m the opposite of anal retentive, perhaps “anal expulsive.”  Well, for kicks, I googled the opposite of anal retentive and sure enough.  

There it was.  

And there I was. 

Except for the part about being fixated on the anal stage.  I have no memory of that, and wouldn’t admit to it, if I did. 

According to Wikipedia….  

“An anal expulsive personality is broadly defined as exhibiting cruelty, emotional outbursts, disorganization, self-confidence, (sometimes) artistic ability, generosity, rebelliousness and general carelessness.”  

Anal Expulsive.  Imagine my horror.  

Now, I will say I’m not cruel, ever.  And I’m lacking in the self-confidence department at times.  And I’m not big on emotional outbursts.  Fun ones, perhaps,  but this rings of crying, ripping out locks of hair and pounding the floor or screaming at people while breaking dishes and that’s not what I’m all about.   

But, the rest is me.  

I am anal expulsive.  Heaven help me.  

And I’m here today to talk to you, the expulsive crowd, as well as the rest of you normal folks.  

We must change this terminology.  

I may be careless, but I don’t poop myself.  

I may be disorganized, but I’m not such a mess that I am an actual mess, if you know what I mean.  

I may be artsy craftsy at times, but I don’t finger-paint with my feces.  

Perhaps I’ve done a rebellious thing or two in my life, but it hasn’t been bathroom related.  

I’d like to think I’m generous, but I don’t even share bathroom humor.   

I’m careless, but not in an explosive diarrhea kind of way.  

For all of us who struggle under the unfairness of this label.  Stand up, join together.   Anal Expulsive-ers/ists, unite.  Fight the good fight.  Prove that just because you can’t locate shot records that it doesn’t mean you take pleasure or are fixated on pooping explosively.  Cause, that’s just wrong.   

And I don’t really see how one thing has anything to do with the other!  

Write your congressmen.  Maybe that’s the route to take.  Write Wikipedia.  Write Freud’s descendants.  I’m not sure.  

Since I’m too unorganized to finish anything, I’d now like to withdraw my bid for the mayoral candidacy of Kook-ville.  

Who’d want that position anyway?  Far too much work. And the citizens are nuts. 

I’m resigning before I’m even elected.  Call me a quitter.  Call me unmotivated.  Call me careless.  But, don’t call me ANAL EXPULSIVE.  

I will resist that title.    

I must go now, I have errands to run in an inefficient, scatterbrained manner!  


P. S.  Not to be a hater or anything, but “what the” heck was wrong with that Freud fellow anyway?  

P.S.S.  If this post made you go…”What the…?” (heck is the matter with her?) There’s a reason. It’s linked up with Stacey and Sonora’s always funny, often puzzling meme. Click on the button below for some entertaining posts. - What the...? Week

12 Comments leave one →
  1. August 14, 2010 1:36 am


    This is the most hysterical post I have read in such a long long time.

    Holy crap Lula! I mean, anal expulsive?!? You can’t make that sh** up!

    I love you!

  2. August 14, 2010 5:06 am

    This is just so great!! Well done. And even for us anal retentive folks why must our character traits be defined anally at all? It’s a terrible term.
    About those driver licences- you need a wallet with a zip-up purse so nothing can fall out. Meanwhile I’ll try to leave my purse unzipped so something will fall out.

  3. August 14, 2010 7:28 am

    Oh, LL! Well, I love that you won’t settle for this!

    I loved your “not in the explosive diarrhea kind of way” comparison.

  4. August 14, 2010 9:08 am

    Oh I can relate to this in so many ways. First let me say when I read the part about cruelty I thought, there is no way Lula Lola is cruel. I think I may fit in this category a bit with you though (although I am still thinking you are barely in this category) because my daughter starts kindergarten in just over two weeks and I haven’t gotten her latest immunizations or her vision screening that she HAS to have to go to school.

    Let’s say I am a bit scatterbrained. I had an appointment all set and ready for her with our pediatrician, I just forgot to write it on my calendar and therefore it didn’t exist. My memory over the last year has suffered enormously. In any case, if we are in this together, at least the company is good! Thanks for playing along. You are awesome!

  5. August 14, 2010 10:15 am

    I say embrace it! Just think – when you meet someone new, your could stick out your hand for a shake and say, “Hello, my name is Lula Lola Maddy May Jane Scooterbug Drakeford Truesdale, and I’m anal expulsive.”

    I mean, that could lead to priceless experiences!

  6. August 14, 2010 11:35 am

    I’m with Bethany….embrace this new way to explain yourself to others! But I have to say, being quite the Anal Retentive-type person myself (I am ashamed to admit) I enjoy you just being YOU, regardless of the labels, and would find your life quite un-blogable if you were boring!

    Ha-ha, great meme! I’ll have to go check it out…after I sort my socks and alphabetize my spice jars.

  7. August 14, 2010 11:36 am

    I say Freud is about as accurate as a fortune cookie and judging by the cleanliness of some Chinese restaraunt restrooms, anal explosive might originally come from Confucious. I love your kookiness and this post was hysterical.

  8. August 14, 2010 1:09 pm

    hahaha! Fight the label, LL! And, you know, at least you know who you are. You aren’t in denial. This gives you the right to fight that label! I don’t think you’re a kook…I think you’re awesome!

  9. August 15, 2010 4:23 pm

    LOL You crack me up!! Thanks for playing along!

  10. August 16, 2010 12:21 am

    You go, Lula Lola. Way to let it all come out. So to speak, that is.

  11. August 16, 2010 5:54 pm

    I adore you.

    I can’t think of anything else to say, my love is that great.


    And the weird thing about me: I am both anal retentive and expulsive. I am a big, black hole, apparently.

    Pun. Wow. Not intended.

  12. August 16, 2010 5:56 pm

    PS – Add a “tweet this” button. Make it easy! I need to RT this ASAP.

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