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The Long Arm of the Law or Welcome to Crazytown

September 21, 2010

So, I know you haven’t slept a wink wondering how I handled/mishandled Sam after the soccer sideline debacle.

I apologized to the crowd that was sitting close by and broke camp in a hurry.  I took Sam with me for several reasons.

  • After taking a sno-cone to the head, I couldn’t promise that Mack wouldn’t open a can of whoop ass on him.  And the sno-cone thing was humiliating enough without compounding it with a fist fight.
  • Being on a team is a privilege and bad behavior shouldn’t be ignored or rewarded.
  • Honestly, I was embarrassed.
  • I wanted to give him a good chewing out and didn’t feel like I wanted an audience for that.

I think leaving was the right call.  Probably the only good call I made during this foolishness.

We got to the (hot)car and this is a little sample of some of my talking points.

  • No matter how mad someone makes you, assaulting them physically is not acceptable, even if it is with artificially flavored and colored syrup and half melted ice.
  • Whatever the heck is in a cherry sno-cone is bound to stain.
  • Doing that was inconsiderate of all the people in the stands who were close enough to get involved with the splatter.
  • Now, people think you’re nuts.(Mishandled, I’ll own it. Even if it’s true, I have guilt for pointing out the this sad reality to my five-year old.)
  • Because of his actions he had to be removed from his ball game and his team couldn’t count on him.(And we all know the pros scout the 5 and 6-year-old age division teams)
  • (Here’s another winner!) When his team mates parents are planning play dates and handing out party invitations he isn’t going to make the cut, because they won’t be able to trust that he’ll behave.  No one wants a food fight incited at their kid’s birthday party.
  • Other parents aren’t going to want their kids to play with someone who can’t control himself. (I’m going to hell, right?)

I’ll stick by some of these, though a lot of it was probably overkill and most of it was crazier than throwing  a sno-cone.

And here’s where I totally dropped the ball.

I spanked him when we got home.  I popped him on the behind 3 times.  And I feel horrible about it.

I’m not a spanker.  I could count on one hand the number of spankings I’ve given.  I’ve always felt pretty comfortable with my ability to get the kids to behave without getting physical.

So, I screwed up.

Thankfully, he isn’t holding it against me.

Thanks for your input! I loved some of your suggestions.  Where were you people Saturday when I needed to be talked in off the ledge?  And if anyone sees my sense of humor, please return it.  We’ve got games tonight and I’d like to be able to laugh when if it goes south.

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. September 21, 2010 7:50 am

    Lula Lola, you are a good mother! We all have had parenting moments that we wished we could redo.

    I know that feeling of guilt over spanking. My infuriating youngest has moved me to swat her rear end once or twice in the past. It’s a horrible feeling of guilt and weakness (for me, anyway).

    The best thing to do is move forward. Kids make mistakes; growing up is tough. You made your point to Sam, and now you’ll have to trust that he learned the lesson.

    Hugs to you.

  2. Kay Horton permalink
    September 21, 2010 8:26 am

    Trust me. You did no damage to the child’s psyche with three pops to the behind. Behinds are well-padded for a good reason. There are just times when action speaks louder than words. Because you spank seldom, it probably made a bigger impact than the talk. When they get older, you can ask them what they would do differently the next time if the same thing happened or something else that made them that angry. Another good thing is to ask them why they think you are upset with them. I am sure he learned a valuable lesson, and you handled it just fine.

  3. September 21, 2010 8:45 am

    Oh Carol Anne! I think you are incredibly brave writing about this. We’ve all been there, made terrible parenting choices.
    Apologize to Sam. Tell him you were angry and embarrassed and said and did things that you wished you hadn’t.
    Make a deal with him that he will take some time to cool down before throwing a snow cone and you’ll take time to cool down too.

  4. September 21, 2010 9:14 am

    You’re a good mom. I have no doubt that my mom at one point or another said similar things to me….and the point is, I can’t remember them! Because it’s just a moment and you know mom is mad and that’s worse than what she’s actually saying.

  5. September 21, 2010 9:40 am

    My kids are going to be so screwed up. 🙂

  6. September 21, 2010 9:45 am

    You’re a horrible mother! (Just kidding. I just didn’t want to start my comment off like everyone else. Heh.)

    Seriously, everyone’s allowed a mess up, even parents. It sounds like you’re handling this rationally – and that’s the important part.

    Not that this story’s going to help you at all, but: Jackson used to have these screaming fits when he was 2 and 3 where he was completely unreachable. He’d just scream. One time, I had a huge headache and he went into one of his weird screams about having to leave “Mimi and Papas house.” We got home, and he was in hysterics and I couldn’t take anymore, so I whopped him on the butt two times and sent him to his room.

    He remembers that to this day. “Mom, don’t say you didn’t spank me when I was growing up, because I remember that one time …”

    Kids.

  7. September 21, 2010 1:04 pm

    I’m sure I don’t remember half the things my mom said to me out of anger…and I’m sure our kids won’t either! You’re a good mom, and we all have our moments. Forgive yourself 🙂

  8. September 21, 2010 3:06 pm

    Hmmm…I think just about everything that came out of your mouth has come out of my mouth at one time or another. Are we long lost sisters?? Here’s to hoping that tonight games are full of rainbows and lollipops!

  9. September 21, 2010 4:39 pm

    Oh girl. I just caught up. Sorry I’ve been MIA – just have too many irons in the fire these days. But bless your heart. I’m not really sure how I would have handled the whole thing. But I’m pretty sure I’d have been right beside you in the boat. Hang in there and know I’m thinking of you this evening. Hope all goes well!

  10. September 21, 2010 9:16 pm

    Think of it this way…since it was out of character for you, the boys know you meant business and will definitely not repeat that scene. Don’t beat yourself up, LL.

  11. September 21, 2010 11:04 pm

    For the record; I think those are GREAT talking points! Fear of being socially ostracized would have totally made me snap back to good behavior if I was him! 🙂

  12. September 22, 2010 1:49 am

    Well, try not to beat yourself up over it too much. I’m sure he got the message loud and clear and you know what? I applaud you for taking the time to explain to him why what he did was wrong. It’s never easy to remove yourself or your child from an event due to behavior but you did the right thing. So many parents would not have followed through. I’ve seen it. But, you did and he, I’m sure, has learned a lot from this episode.

    Hope you all had a fantastic game tonight!

  13. September 22, 2010 9:32 pm

    I am packing my bags; will be there before the weekend. You and I will bring frozen margaritas to the game and hand them out to every parent who witnessed the Great Snow Cone Debacle. Cheering will ensue (“Mother of the Year! Mother of the Year!”) and Sam will instantly be back on party lists, playdate lists, and on the all-star team. Oh, and he’ll forget anything and everything that transpired between the snow cone dunking and going to bed that night.

    If I could recant every warning/threat/silly thing I’ve said to one of mine when angry I still think I wouldn’t. You showed him you’re human, and you gave him some consequences. You are a great mom.

  14. September 25, 2010 2:09 pm

    Well, when you get to hell, look me up! I’ve always wanted to meet you in person, and I guess hell’s as good a place as any.

    OK, sorry for that…now, seriously…we’ve all had moments like that. And we’re always so hard on ourselves. The things you said? Similar things have come out of my mouth, many times. Guilt over spanking? Yup, been there, many times. Chin up! You’re not alone and you’re a great, fun mom. You’re taking them to Disneyworld!

  15. September 27, 2010 10:17 pm

    At least you can claim you aren’t a spanker! I, sadly, will have no such claim. Although it’s not a regular occurance, it does happen at my house and is a threat on occasion. No worries. He probably won’t even remember it!

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