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The Tooth Fairy is Evil

January 13, 2011

For the last seven years or so, somebody at my house has been losing teeth.    They look forward to a visit from the tooth fairy.  Everybody enjoys a little easy money.

But, seriously, that chick has issues.  Every time she comes to visit, the dollars she leaves are filled with smart aleck comments in her teeny, tiny handwriting.  She heckles the kiddos with comments like, “Talk less, brush more”  and  “Flossing is good, you should try it.”   “I think there’s been a mix up, when I said ‘Brush more,’ I meant with the side of the brush with the bristles.” “Are you familiar with toothpaste? Make friends with it.”

And if that’s not bad enough, she even rejected one particularly worn down looking tooth.  She did leave one lone dollar, though.   And in microscopic print, the dollar read, “I REJECT this tooth.  What on earth would I do with it?  You need to brush and floss, mister.”

That crazy fairy is always jerking people around.  One day, she didn’t even show up!  Imagine, the nerve.   And the next night, she left a note blaming it on the smoke detector.  She said the batteries needed changing, and that the shrill beeping sound nearly deafened her.

Wing nut.

Because of our history with her,  Adam has used the very idea of her to torment Sam.

He’s got a tooth that’s dangling.  I think the whole family will agree that we’re tired of seeing him wiggle it.

Most of all, it’s making Adam particularly crazy.

And the wiggly tooth has driven him to mischief.

He forged a note from the tooth fairy threatening Sam.  It said, “Pull the tooth or else.  Signed, The Tooth Fairy”  And then in conversation, he mentioned the tooth fairy coming with a chain saw.  My oldest is as nutty as the tooth fairy, I’m afraid.

This has spooked my youngest child.  Though, not spooked enough to make him pull the wiggly tooth.  But, enough to crank up the crazy sleep behavior that I thought we had put behind us.

Every time I try to get Adam to admit it, he just laughs and won’t give Sam a straight answer.  It’s rather funny, and because I’m demented, I’ve not really forced him to ‘fess up.  I’m really not a good mother.

But, after a bout of SHR(sleep hell raising) out of Sam last night, I think I’m going to have to force the point.   It’s got to stop, for Sam’s sake and mine!

And frankly, I can’t imagine that half-baked fairy will appreciate a forgery!

And I wouldn’t want to get on her bad list.

13 Comments leave one →
  1. January 13, 2011 9:49 am

    Ha! We have a dangler here too. If it’s not out by the end of the day, I am writing a tooth fairy threat.
    I feel awful for the grade 1 teachers. A class full of teeth with wiggly teeth, falling out everyday. Sheesh.
    But sorry about the SHR

  2. January 13, 2011 10:25 am

    The thought of a dangling tooth makes me cringe. I am such a wuss when it comes to pulling the teeth. My hubs does all of that.

    Our tooth fairy is very, very forgetful. Sometimes she forgets for a couple of days. Or she gets held up by the weather, sometimes. She’s a tooth fairy with a lot of excuses, that’s for sure.

  3. January 13, 2011 11:44 am

    Last spring, the tooth fairy almost had to get a government bail out because of our son. He went a week where he was losing a tooth every day: one day he lost TWO in the same day. Thank goodness he finally has all his Big Boy teeth—he just cut his 12-yr. molars, complete with all the teething issues that come with new teeth.

    Hope your boy’s sleep issues get better soon. Have you taken him to the doctor about it?

  4. January 13, 2011 11:45 am

    Obviously, your oldest has inherited your, er I mean the tooth fairy’s, wonderful sense of humor. Love it!

    When that tooth does fall out? I think Sam needs to counter with a ransom note. Something like, “I have your tooth. If you ever want to see it, leave a stack of unmarked, unsequential bills under the pillow.”

  5. January 13, 2011 5:51 pm

    Yes, I think our tooth fairy has alzheimers. She just can’t remember. Oh, the sweet little notes that appeared years ago..with glitter and small foot prints to boot! No, she has become very mean in her old age. In fact, she recently told the innocent children that she comes only for the first 4 teeth!!

    LL- thanks for the laugh! you really do crack me up. I want to be your neighbor. Oh the games we’d play!

  6. January 13, 2011 6:40 pm

    I love you. I love this post. I love the idea of tormenting kids with teeny-tiny tooth fairy handwriting. LOVE IT.

  7. Holly permalink
    January 13, 2011 7:04 pm

    “Ladies and Gentlemen! Children of aaaaallll ages! Welcome to the Williams Family Circus. Since I claim you all as family I feel a little sad for myself and the tooth fairy that has served us throughout the years. You gotta be a crazy fairy to be a part of this act!

  8. Holly permalink
    January 13, 2011 7:05 pm

    “Ladies and Gentlemen! Children of aaaaallll ages! Welcome to the Williams Family Circus.” Since I claim you all as family I feel a little sad for myself and the tooth fairy that has served us throughout the years. You gotta be a crazy fairy to be a part of this act!

  9. January 13, 2011 10:49 pm

    oh my lord, LL! you are the most creative fairy i’ve ever heard of!!

  10. January 14, 2011 7:06 am

    I’m cracking up!

  11. January 14, 2011 11:29 am

    Our tooth fairy is pretty boring compared to yours! Heh heh

  12. January 14, 2011 7:33 pm

    LOL Our tooth fairy just plain doesn’t show. No note. No nothin’. My older kids have gotten to the point that they just bring me the tooth and ask for money. It’s easier that way.

  13. January 14, 2011 11:34 pm

    I love that your Tooth Fairy leaves notes! And I hate those danglers…always want to yank them out.

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