The Tooth Fairy is Evil
For the last seven years or so, somebody at my house has been losing teeth. They look forward to a visit from the tooth fairy. Everybody enjoys a little easy money.
But, seriously, that chick has issues. Every time she comes to visit, the dollars she leaves are filled with smart aleck comments in her teeny, tiny handwriting. She heckles the kiddos with comments like, “Talk less, brush more” and “Flossing is good, you should try it.” “I think there’s been a mix up, when I said ‘Brush more,’ I meant with the side of the brush with the bristles.” “Are you familiar with toothpaste? Make friends with it.”
And if that’s not bad enough, she even rejected one particularly worn down looking tooth. She did leave one lone dollar, though. And in microscopic print, the dollar read, “I REJECT this tooth. What on earth would I do with it? You need to brush and floss, mister.”
That crazy fairy is always jerking people around. One day, she didn’t even show up! Imagine, the nerve. And the next night, she left a note blaming it on the smoke detector. She said the batteries needed changing, and that the shrill beeping sound nearly deafened her.
Because of our history with her, Adam has used the very idea of her to torment Sam.
He’s got a tooth that’s dangling. I think the whole family will agree that we’re tired of seeing him wiggle it.
Most of all, it’s making Adam particularly crazy.
And the wiggly tooth has driven him to mischief.
He forged a note from the tooth fairy threatening Sam. It said, “Pull the tooth or else. Signed, The Tooth Fairy” And then in conversation, he mentioned the tooth fairy coming with a chain saw. My oldest is as nutty as the tooth fairy, I’m afraid.
This has spooked my youngest child. Though, not spooked enough to make him pull the wiggly tooth. But, enough to crank up the crazy sleep behavior that I thought we had put behind us.
Every time I try to get Adam to admit it, he just laughs and won’t give Sam a straight answer. It’s rather funny, and because I’m demented, I’ve not really forced him to ‘fess up. I’m really not a good mother.
But, after a bout of SHR(sleep hell raising) out of Sam last night, I think I’m going to have to force the point. It’s got to stop, for Sam’s sake and mine!
And frankly, I can’t imagine that half-baked fairy will appreciate a forgery!
And I wouldn’t want to get on her bad list.